It is always there in the shadows.

102. The number of times the sun has risen since Doreen crossed the Styx. She circles my thoughts every day and I miss her so much that even writing her name can bring me to tears. Sometimes she can seem far away but today she sits opposite me and holds my hand. My grief ebbs and flows like the pull of the moon on the ocean and there is a crusty stain of sorrow which green shoots struggle to push through. I suppose it is still very early days so I am resigned to turbulence in my moods and tears for the foreseeable future. My brave face is a Michelangelo masterpiece so the outside world sees business as usual. Behind the mask my universe is torn and a sense of futility pours through the hole. This is my new life but I have no choice or ability to change anything, just a resolve to get on with things. Relief all round some would say, but on days like this I regret my backbone. Sadly there is nowhere to go and no relief.

Ólafur Arnalds - For Now I Am Winter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O-WHevzCR8

The month of May offered some respite, delights and distractions thanks to the festival. Early on, Sinead O’Connor brought fire to the Brighton Dome with a combination of Boadicea steel and vulnerability that was hypnotic. The voice and material were also strong and a love for her uncompromising stance was reborn in me. The song ‘Three Babies’ had me unexpectedly flooding with tears, the words unlocking my defences.

Sinead O’Connor – Three Babies

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=three+babies+sinead+o%27connor&view=detail&mid=04733714094BAA51F79304733714094BAA51F793&first=0&FORM=NVPFVR

In my soul

My blood and my bones
I have wrapped your cold bodies around me
The face on you
The smell of you
Will always be with me

John Grant reached a new level of greatness with his show at St George’s Church. I have seen him a number of times and each performance has seen the game raised to ever loftier heights. On this occasion we were treated to thrilling sonic exuberance thanks to his Icelandic comrades, beautiful goose bump melodies and a voice that could move mountains. The show simply oozed with pathos and a raw honesty that touched the soul and brought me to tears (again).

John Grant - GMF

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=john+grant&view=detail&mid=EC52F236A6F8CEED62ACEC52F236A6F8CEED62AC&first=0&FORM=NVPFVR

I am not who you think I am.
I am quite angry--which I barely can conceal.
You think I hate myself, but it's you I hate
because you have the nerve to make me feel.

May’s musical feast continued with the psychedelic visual and sonic assault of the Flaming Lips who turned the Dome into a writhing mass of strobe lights that had us all literally spellbound. And as if that wasn’t enough, they even performed Heroes by the man who seems to be everywhere at the moment. Although the sound quality is not great, you can get some sense of the incredible lighting effects in the video below.

The Flaming Lips - Heroes

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=heroes+flaming+lips&docid=4538527345410788&mid=7364393C1C54988B8B667364393C1C54988B8B66&view=detail&FORM=VIRE8

Last but not least the Tiger Lillies enthralled with a beautiful and inventive take on the Rime of the Ancient Mariner with the band performing between two screens with Mark Holthusen’s sumptuous animations projected on gauze in front of them and on a screen. It was rich, seamless and really quite beautiful.

The Tiger Lillies – Living Hell (directed by Mark Holthusen)

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=the+tiger+lillies&docid=4623859763316552&mid=73BA7AC8F1A1A13C894F73BA7AC8F1A1A13C894F&view=detail&FORM=VIRE1